I Saw Satan in a Dream. It Changed How I Handle Failure

Many years ago, I dozed off on one hot summer day when I lived in Moscow, Russia. And when I woke up, I saw a man that I did not recognize. I don't know if I left my apartment open, but what I know is that when I opened my eyes and I saw the man, he was so handsome. He was so attractive. He was like a dream come true. And when I looked at him, I was not scared. I would be a terrible gay guy in a horror movie, because I would totally fall for a handsome serial killer. So my first reaction was to suck in my stomach so I could look presentable, because I was lying on my bed.

And as soon as I asked that man, "Who are you?" he started laughing. And that laughter was so chilling, was so scary. As soon as he started laughing, I had that really deep realization of who he was. And as soon as he said, "You know who I am," I realized that it was Satan. Hasatan in Hebrew.

It's really important. Remember this name, Hasatan, because I will go back to this name later in this video. It's going to be really important for our conversation today.

I saw Satan in my dream

I woke up. Indeed, I dozed off. Yes, I was in my early 20s. It was a hot summer day in Russia. No, we don't just have snow days throughout the year in Russia. In Moscow we have summers and we have winters. And it was a perfect summer day. And when I woke up, I was in a cold sweat. I mean, I saw Satan in my dream. And my dream was so vivid, and I did not know how to interpret it.

When I called my mother and I said, you know, I think I saw Satan in my dream, she didn't know how to react. Because again, deep spiritual experiences and paranormal experiences, should I say, were not unusual to me specifically. And it was not a hallucination. It was not a delusion. It's just something that other people can concur with, that yes, something unexplainable happened in my life.

For example, in my room, when I would go on vacation and somebody else would sleep in my room, people would report odd events that would happen to them in my room, similar to what I reported.

The angel that got equipped to test you

But let's go back to Hasatan. Hasatan in Jewish mysticism, in Kabbalah, in the Jewish faith, is a little bit different from Satan in Christianity. Satan in Christianity is this enemy of humankind who is against God, this evil source. In Hebrew mysticism and in Kabbalah, Hasatan is the adversary, the accuser, the angel that got equipped with the sole purpose to test you, to test if you really can follow through with what you want, with your desire, with your purpose. And Hasatan will put you through the test.

Pain is unavoidable, but suffering is optional

So why is it important? Because in our lives, when we go through experiences, we do have moments of challenges, moments of pain. And it's not only spiritual. In some of the psychotherapy methodologies, for example in acceptance and commitment therapy, there is a notion that you will experience pain, that the pain is unavoidable in your life, but suffering is optional. And suffering is optional when we have psychological flexibility, when life is life-ing, when we can adapt, when we can adjust, when we can pivot and we can make better decisions.

Now, Hasatan is the adversary. And that handsome man, I mean, he was the perfect toxic man I have ever seen in my life. If he said, you know, let's date, I would probably say yes. Listen, I would probably be the worst, I mean the worst gay guy in a horror movie, because I would totally fall for a handsome serial killer. You know what, I don't care. That would be me.

I am always with you

But that guy that I saw in my dream, who said, you know who I am, he also said, I'm always with you. I am always with you. So apparently Satan is always with me. Hasatan is always with me. And I could not understand it for days. I mean, for many, many years.

I would always joke with my friends that God is my father, God is my source, but Satan is my uncle. Because I mean, I'm a person of faith, and my faith has evolved. I converted to a high-control religion. I converted to evangelical Baptism, by my choice, by the way. Nobody forced me. My family is not as religious as I am. But it was a deep spiritual journey for me, from evangelical Christianity to a more open and affirming spirituality, less religious spirituality, and more experiencing the Creator as he is.

What does it mean for you?

Now let's drive the point home. What does it mean for you? If you build your business, build your life, build your career and you have adversarial experiences, you have challenges, your business fails, your partner leaves you, you experience a grief or a loss in your life. I just want to let you know that, again, as it is stated in the acceptance and commitment therapy framework, we will experience pain at some point and it is unavoidable, but the suffering is optional.

And with our businesses specifically, because I work with a lot of high-profile high achievers, gay and bisexual men, for us it's double challenging. Because again, the whole world says, hey, you should not exist. And when we start building our careers, our businesses, when we start being successful and we fall and we make mistakes, when our business is not successful, we think we're not meant for that.

No, that is not what it means. It means that that perfect, beautiful, handsome man, the perfect toxic man that we all want and we all fall for, Hasatan, the adversary that will test us every step of the way, is always there. And therapeutic modalities like acceptance and commitment therapy are there to confirm it: we will have adversarial, negative experiences to go through in life. But when we have psychological flexibility, we can go through it.

Those parts become activated

Now I want to make it a little bit more practical. What does it mean for you specifically? When we go through life and we have tests and we have adversarial experiences, the first thing that is really important to understand is that our internal world gets fractured. According to Internal Family Systems, IFS, we do have parts, and those parts become activated. They either become super controlling, super reactive, or traumatized, wounded, right?

When we want to lead from Self energy, from this divine source, from pure consciousness, and this is how Internal Family Systems explains this framework, these adversarial, negative experiences that we have in our life don't mean that we should give up on our mission, on our business. It simply means that it's just an invitation for us to rethink.

We need a power that is higher than ourselves

And I want to invite you to go one level deeper, with me too. Because listen, if you want to feel fulfilled, if you want to fulfill your desires through the means of this world, meaning you're just white-knuckling it, you just raw dog life just like that, it's not going to end well. It is not. Because I deeply believe that when we are pursuing a higher purpose, when we're building a business, and we go through so many challenges and traumatic experiences like divorce, loss, and at some point we will experience our loved one passing on, transitioning, dying, we need a power that is higher than ourselves.

And it doesn't mean that you have to become religious if you're not religious. It simply means to tap into the already built-in spiritual network in your brain. Dr. Lisa Miller, by the way, dedicated her life to exploring how spirituality helps with depression and with challenging life experiences. People who are spiritual, not necessarily religious, but spiritual, have an easier time with depression, with addiction, and with challenging life experiences. It doesn't mean that it gets easier or better for us, but it just means that the outcome from those adversarial experiences, that Hasatan moment, is a little bit better for us.

When I was 13, I did not have internet

And for me personally, what I want to attest to is my personal spirituality, not just my religion. When I was probably 12, 13, before I converted to high-control religion, to evangelical Baptism, I was highly spiritual. I was experiencing transcendent spiritual experiences, like out-of-body experiences, astral projection, other spiritual experiences, like what we see in New Age spirituality, what you see on the internet right now. When I was 13, I was that guy, and I did not have internet. I did not have internet to be influenced. I just knew that I knew that it was a part of my core.

A huge split in my church

And then when I converted to high-control religion, to evangelical Baptism, even how I converted was a deeply spiritual experience. And as I converted, I continued to have this deep personal spiritual guidance, because later on there was a huge, huge split in my church. I mean, when a church starts splitting, different leaders pull the church apart and there's a separation. I was a young man. At that point I was 16 years old, and I had to navigate religious drama and religious politics, and I was a member of the church. And by the way, I started preaching probably when I was 15.

I'm saying that to say that because of my spirituality, I was able to navigate my personal trauma and the trauma of abandonment.

Five armed men entered my apartment

I was born right before the Soviet Union collapsed. And when the Soviet Union collapsed, people started doing all kinds of stuff, and my family got in trouble. At some point I witnessed probably five armed men enter my apartment, with my mom and her partner in the house, and my grandma took me really swiftly and we escaped to our neighbor's house.

And I'm saying that to say, if I did not have spirituality, if I did not have the connection with a higher purpose, higher than myself, I would probably have gone crazy. I would probably have had a severe split in my consciousness, because I could not process those experiences. But because I was deeply spiritual and I had profound spiritual experiences even as a child, I knew that I was always cared for. I knew I was always taken care of.

And in 2023, when I started my business, even before opening my private practice as a licensed registered hypnotherapist, as I was going through a really difficult time in my business, I knew that I was always taken care of by the higher power. And I always knew that no matter how difficult things would get, I'm taken care of.

The adversary will always be with you

And I hope that's the one lesson that you're taking away from this video: the adversary will always be with you. You will always have negative experiences. You will always have life that is life-ing. There is no life when you are perfectly happy, when there is no pain, there's no disappointment, nobody is dying, nobody is breaking up with you, nobody has addiction, nobody has pain, nobody has cancer, nobody has terminal illness. That life just doesn't exist in this world. We always have negative experiences.

But when we dive in, when we lean in, and it's a muscle, it's a skill, into a higher purpose than ourselves, the research is there. It's not just my personal experience. The research is there. Dr. Lisa Miller has dedicated her entire life to show that, and many other psychologists and researchers show that when we lean in, we have built-in neural pathways, a neural network in our brain, to feel that we're taken care of, to feel that we have something to lean into, to have profound spiritual, transcendent and transpersonal experiences. And those experiences will help us navigate through the darkest, through the toughest points in our lives.

I know this episode was a little different for you, and I hope you're walking away with a beautiful lesson. And if you're interested in personal one-on-one hypnotherapy sessions, you can check out my website. But the point of this video is to call you to your higher purpose, because it's available for everyone.

I love you so much, and I will see you in the next video. Bye y'all.

Request an appointment: goodhypnotherapy.org

Book mentioned: Lisa Miller, The Awakened Brain (2021)

Eugene Berezin, MS, SUDPT, RHt, Washington State Registered Hypnotherapist. This is education, not therapy and not theology. If you're in crisis in the US, call or text 988.

This first went out as a letter on my Substack on October 30, 2026. If you would rather get these by email, subscribe there.