Talk therapy didn't work. Now what?
Maybe it worked for you, and at some point it's still not enough. And it's still not enough.
This is why therapy fails. Lack of definition, what a success looks like.
And if there is no connection, clinical hypnotherapy won't work for you. Like any other modality.
Who I am
Hey, if you're new to me, my name is Eugene Berezin. I'm a registered hypnotherapist in the state of Washington, and my background is in psychotherapy.
I worked as a therapist, so I know exactly how sometimes people might go through therapy and it may or may not work for one or the other reasons. And now I practice as a registered hypnotherapist, and I serve gay men in successful careers.
So now, when we talk about therapy worked and it did not work, I think it's a lot of vague language.
Start with a definition
Before we start thinking about why therapy did not work for us, or for you specifically, or for me, it's really important to start with a definition.
When you go to therapy, why did you go to therapy? Let's say you wanna feel better. What does it mean? What does it mean?
So the practical step here is actually to find a definition, a working definition for you. Not necessarily from Wikipedia or from the American Psychological Association. For you specifically. What healing and recovery looks like for you.
I want to share with you the SAMHSA definition, and it's really holistic, an extensive definition of recovery from substance use and mental health illnesses, so it's gonna combine both together, and I really like that definition. But for you, it's really defining what healing and what recovery means for you.
What does "better" actually look like?
So if you think, "Well, I just don't wanna feel that way," how do you wanna feel? I just wanna feel better. What does better look like?
Does better look like that you start engaging with people in a meaningful way?
Does better look like you are performing better at your job, or in your business, or in your life? You have this drive and interest and curiosity to live.
Does better look like, maybe it is substance related. Maybe better for you means, "Okay, I don't go out every weekend with my friends and spend a bunch of money on just partying and drinking, and I'm actually investing into something more."
Or does better mean finding purpose, like a higher sense of purpose? And this is especially true for people in high demanding careers like doctors, lawyers, software engineers. When you made the financial aspect, when you are safe financially, you're making your 150, 200K per year, or in the ballpark. But then now you actually are in the safe place psychologically and physically and emotionally, when you feel provided, but what is next?
So, a working definition of the healing. What healing means. And the working definition can be a working definition in the moment, right now. So that's number one.
How I work
So when I work with people, the way I work with people, I apply clinical hypnosis and motivational interviewing. Well, like the other way around. Motivational interviewing to understand, to actually define that working definition of your healing, of your recovery, of your next step.
What does it look like? What does it look like?
It can be something big, it can be something small. I provide rather a rapid, short-term clinical hypnotherapy course, and it's eight to 10 sessions. And then we'll readjust and see if we need to do it more. And within eight to 10 sessions, this is actually a really good window for us to start small and see, okay, where are we? What is the goal? What is the end goal?
Okay, I am not emotionally hooked after my divorce, for example. Or I allow myself to say no to partners or potential partners that don't match my boundaries, don't match my morals, don't match my focus. You know what I mean? That's what it means.
Therapeutic alliance: why the relationship decides everything
And another thing about recovery, and why therapy works or doesn't work. It's therapeutic alliance. It's your relationship with a therapist.
If you don't click with your therapist, if you don't like your therapist, if you don't feel connection, maybe your therapist is way too formal, way too cold, way too impersonal. Really nice, and you have nice progress going, and you have insights. You intellectually realize that you might be better, or you're feeling better, but still something is not working. That might be due to therapeutic alliance.
In majority of therapies and modalities, clinical hypnotherapy, talk therapy, DBT, CBT, whatever, like the whole alphabet soup in therapeutic modalities, they fail because there's no connection. There's no relationship between a client and the person who provides therapy, including clinical hypnotherapy.
If there is no connection, clinical hypnotherapy won't work and won't be as efficient. Especially when we're working with the unconscious mind, because your unconscious mind controls your breathing, controls your digestive system, controls your automatic movements, right? It's really high alert. And if deep down you don't have connection with that person, hypnosis won't work for you. Like any other modality.
Also, if there is no concrete working definition of what we are going towards, or what we're going from and towards, then there's no success.
And this is why therapy fails. Lack of definition of what success looks like. What is the goal. Therapists holding you and themselves accountable for that goal. You moving towards that goal together. And you checking in: "Are we there yet or not? And if we're not getting there, why are we not getting there? Is it between us? Is it not the right fit? Do we not have connection? Do we not have a deeper relationship? What is the problem?"
The SAMHSA definition of recovery
Now, to help you with the definition, let's look at the SAMHSA definition of recovery. I really like that definition. Here is the link.
So this is the wheel. Hope, person-driven, many pathways, holistic, peer support, relational, culture, addresses trauma, strengths and responsibility, and respect.
So let's just go one by one, right? This is the working definition. I will not read the whole file.
Health
It starts with health, and health starts with healthy choices. It specifically talks about substances, and specifically talks about informed decisions, what substances to use or not use.
Because when we are going through a divorce, if we're going through difficult times, if we're managing stress, sometimes we use substances. Coffee, nicotine, weed, alcohol, just to pick the socially appropriate substances. It's not necessarily something big and horrible. Although big and horrible also happens, like cocaine, crystal meth, fentanyl, other substances people use.
But it starts with health. It starts with informed consent, what you are not gonna put in your body. Including the foods that no longer serve you. Including the healthy substances that help you to recover. I'm not talking about psychoactive substances. I'm talking about maybe it's tea, maybe it's an improved diet.
Home
Stable home. Stable and safe home to live. Quick and easy.
And I know a lot of people with high demanding careers, it's not like you are experiencing homelessness. But is your home stable? Stability in your home, and stability in your home can look different.
Purpose
Meaningful daily activities, such as a job that you enjoy that brings you meaning, school, volunteerism, family, caretaking, creative endeavors. And the independence, income, and resources to participate in society.
Maybe income for you is not an issue. Like you are a software engineer, you are an entrepreneur, you are a medical doctor, you have a successful career, or you're an account manager.
Do you have purpose and meaning in your life?
Community
Listen, I cannot emphasize this enough.
Healing and recovery doesn't happen in a clinical hypnotherapy session. It doesn't happen after a motivational interviewing session, when we do our pre-talk, when we actually implement the positive change and strengthen it with clinical hypnotherapy. Not without the community.
And this is probably one of the challenging parts. If you go to therapy, if you do the work, but you don't have people who support you, you don't have the community, that can be problematic.
Many pathways
And this is the 10 principles of recovery. So, how do you know that you are getting better? This is a cheat sheet for you. It's hope, it's relational, it's person-driven, it's culture, many pathways.
Talk therapy didn't work for you? Try clinical hypnotherapy with personalized coaching and motivational interviewing. Maybe that will work.
Maybe you tried therapists who are not from the LGBTQ+ community. They're wonderful therapists, they have credentials, they have a license, but they're not gay. They're not gay men for you. So try different. Try a gay therapist, or try a gay hypnotherapist. And it can be me, it can be somebody else.
If I don't resonate with you, don't go with me, because if we're not clicking, it won't work. But if it resonates with you, might as well try.
Holistic means it's the whole person, right? Like peer support. Do you know other people in your situation that can relate to you?
Culture
Cultural component is really essential, and this is why on my website I will post a few different specialties, including clinical hypnotherapy for Black gay men, including clinical hypnotherapy for immigrants.
It doesn't mean that I'm excluding people from majority culture, like white gay men. It's not what it means. It means that culture is important.
As a Black gay man, your cultural experiences within the community are quite different than maybe my cultural experiences as an immigrant, as a white immigrant, as a person with a Turkic background that people don't know what a Turkic background means, right? Who is Tatar? People think, "Oh, Russia. Russia, white Russian, maybe Ukrainian." But Tatar, what is Tatar? What are Turkic languages, right?
For you, objectification, discrimination within the community, racism within the community, sexualization, being fetishized.
This is the culture. Healthy culture around you, and choosing healthy culture around you, people who can support a healthy culture.
Addresses trauma
Listen, we as people, as gay men from a devalued identity, and devalued identity means that majority culture devalues our identity, thinks that we're less than, we have trauma.
Sometimes we process it and it turns out as resilience, and good for us. Really good for us. Like a lot of gay men in successful careers, in businesses, super resilient. Good for us.
Strength, responsibility, respect
You have to keep yourself responsible for your own shit. You have to be real with yourself. And respect.
And you can read it yourself.
So that's what it means to heal. This is the working recovery definition.
You are allowed to try something else
Now, if talk therapy did not work for you, from the SAMHSA definition, we saw many pathways. Meaning you are allowed to try different modalities.
You are allowed to try clinical hypnotherapy with personalized guidance and motivational interviewing, which I provide. Try it out.
Go on my website. You can read about my background, you can read about my education, where I went to school, my professional background. I work a lot with gay men, and also with people with disabilities and critical illnesses, right?
I work with a lot of people who went through really, really hard experiences, and oftentimes I met people at the worst point in their lives. I'm not even kidding. In Russia, in my private practice, when I was practicing at public mental health places. In the US when I was working at a homeless shelter as a youth counselor. When I was working as a social worker, when I was working as a case manager.
I do have the receipts and experience. And this is why I created my private practice specifically for gay men. Because there are many different paths to recovery, and I would like to bring my expertise with clinical hypnotherapy. Evidence-based clinical hypnotherapy.
What clinical hypnotherapy actually is
This is not a mind trick.
I also share on my website what the American Psychological Association says about hypnotherapy, and what Yale says about hypnotherapy. And I broke down my process.
You're not just getting hypnotized. It's a guided process. It's guidance and coaching and clinical hypnotherapy. Motivational interviewing is to really start working on your change, using your own motivation, your motivation that you may not be fully aware of yet. And clinical hypnosis as a strengthening path.
And I'm always goal oriented. If your goal is just, "Hey, I just wanna do maintenance work and go to hypnotherapy once a week just to feel good," then what is on the other side of feeling good? What does feeling good actually look like, and how can we maintain it?
But normally I will hold you to responsibility and accountability. I'm rather direct, and I will hold you accountable in a loving, accepting way. I will hold you accountable so it finally starts working. I'm not afraid of holding my clients accountable, because if we're not real with ourselves, we cannot heal.
How to work with me
The way you can book an appointment with me is to book a 15-minute consultation, and it's free. If it is a good match, I will send you the paperwork and the link to book your first hypnotherapy appointment.
All the pricing and the links you can find on my website, goodhypnotherapy.org.
I recently updated my website and I'm constantly updating it. I added a blog with a vlog. If it's hard for you to sit through a video, there's a written version of my YouTube videos, so you can just skim and read through it if you don't wanna watch it. So, plenty of resources.
Go to my website and book a 15-minute consultation if it resonates. If it doesn't resonate, if you're thinking, "Yeah, I'm not sure," then it's probably not for you. If somebody else resonates with you, book a consultation with them. Absolutely. Because many different pathways.
I love you so much. Thank you so much for reading, and I will see you in the next one.
Eugene Berezin is a Washington State Registered Hypnotherapist who works with gay men in demanding careers on divorce, addiction patterns, codependency, and starting over. He holds a master's degree in psychology and trained and practiced as a psychotherapist in Moscow, Russia. He sees clients across most of the United States by telehealth.
